Anxiety and Depression

Wow! I can’t believe this is the first time I am looking at my blog since May! I have to admit that few post ideas popped into my head over the last few months (usually came to me in the shower… as they do) but I just never wrote anything down. I have an excuse reason for this.

I needed time off to come to terms with few things in my life. I am talking about anxiety and depression which I have been dealing with for about a year now. I thought that maybe I needed this summer to stop stressing/worrying about things and start realising everything is going to be ok in the end. However I had to call things by its names and come to terms with the fact that it simply won’t go away on its own.

I have found the below quote somewhere on the internet and I think it describes anxiety and depression very well:

‘It’s being scared and tired at the same time. It’s the fear of failure but no urge to be productive. It’s wanting friends but hate socialising. It’s wanting to be alone but not wanting to be lonely. It’s caring about everything then caring about nothing. It’s feeling everything at once and feeling paralysingly numb. ‘

The reason I decided to write about it on here is because I truly believe that start of my new module SXF206 this October will help me to get myself back on track. Having an important goal with deadlines forces a person to be productive. That’s not to say that doing a degree isn’t scary and that it sometimes has the opposite effect. However it definitely provides me with purpose and lets me focus on a subject that fascinates me and I care about. It helps me to take my mind off of worries, anxiety, bereavement and just everyday life that can be really hard sometimes.

It took me a long time to pluck up the courage to write this post. I hope that maybe people will read it and realise that we all deal with some serious shit in our lives. But doing something positive just for your own self like starting with the OU can actually be a big help in dealing with anxiety and depression. Doing a degree comes with its own worries and pressures like fear of not being smart enough or struggling to find the time. But the most important thing studying with The OU gives me, is a purpose and a feeling that I am learning about something that matters.